I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize