Umm I'm too high to move.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
