Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
