On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
