He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
