He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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