Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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