the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
handjob tips. give me some.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize