my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
