yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
