did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
