I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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