I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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