she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
