he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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