Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
