I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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