I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
