It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
