Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
