if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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