So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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