I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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