i permit you to call me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
