$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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