at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
