so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Houston, we have a blender
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
