god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
