She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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