i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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