nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
