After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
