margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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