To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
