Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
