the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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