i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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