you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
