My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize