Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
