Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
