Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
