Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
