I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
