So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
