I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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