I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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