no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
