puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
