I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My life is pants optional.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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