I am in a vortex of obligation.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
im on a boat
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