Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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