the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
