i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
