one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
