"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
