When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
