Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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