when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize