So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
