I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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