hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
