I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
