my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
