I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
