Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My ass is underappreciated
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