so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
