she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
