First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
being pregnant is like rehab
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
