Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
