Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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