Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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