fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
