I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize