you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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