So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
