God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
