Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
