Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
