Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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