holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
