You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
