She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
