why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
be right there i have to get my cape
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
