I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
