Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
