my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
