Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
