Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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