dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
