I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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