Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
