I just pynch a tree in the face
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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