I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
