Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
