The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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