I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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