I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize