party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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