he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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