if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize