yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
