So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
