just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
