i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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